


Maybe they deserve each other

by anna_sun



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: (near the end), Angst, Cheesy, Crying, Fluff, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:55:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2316755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna_sun/pseuds/anna_sun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shaky fingers were lighting some candles, making the room seem a lot more romantic than it probably should. Yes, it was way too much. Dean was the type of man to have a beer and share feelings in between heated kissed, moans and desperate touches, not when having some candles dinner.</p><p>or when Cas decided it was time to share his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe they deserve each other

**Author's Note:**

> At first it was supposed to be cute but then it turned out to be quite emotional and - yeah. It's kinda similar to my other stuff but oh well, you can clearly see what I like to write about.

Shaky fingers were lighting some candles, making the room seem a lot more romantic than it probably should. Yes, it was way too much. Dean was the type of man to have a beer and share feelings in between heated kissed, moans and desperate touches, not when having some candles dinners. As the minutes passed, Castiel grew more and more convinced that this wasn't going to work. He blew on the fire, dispersing a cinnamon smell all over the room, and he was about to throw away the chicken, potatoes and carrots he made when he heard the distinct sound of the door of the bunker being opened.

Fuck.

It took a moment for Dean to actually arrive in the kitchen, probably searching for Sam (it was always the first thing he did whenever he came back home). But Sam wasn't here, he was out, thanks to Cas. It had been difficult to get Sam out of the place without saying ''Hey I plan on telling your big brother that I like him very much and that I've been having these feelings I can't explain for him since I became human over a romantic dinner I'll make : would you mind leaving us alone for the evening, please and thank you?'' but he surprisingly managed to make believe Sam that he had some problems with Dean and that he was really really mad at him.

So poor Cas stood there, in the middle of the kitchen, with a bowl of potatoes in his hands. He was frozen, probably because he knew he couldn't back up now ; it was too late, so when surprised green met blue, it felt more like the end of the world than when the apocalypse was knocking on their door.

The potatoes then slipped out of his hands and Castiel tightly closed his eyes in fear. This was making the situation more pathetic than it already was, and Cas was getting ready to hear the bowl break, but god bless Dean and his amazing reflexes, it didn't.

''Whoa there Cas! You alright?''

Dean was actually worried, and it made Cas want to run away until his legs begged him to stop. Of course Dean was worried, worried about his friend who was acting like a stupid freak who couldn't hold a damn bowl in his hands. It was weird how Castiel stayed up late last night, trying to figure out the perfect way to share his feelings. How he had been so stressed out but so happy when he woke up this morning, his eyes digging holes behind Dean's head because of how much he was staring, a giant smile across his face. It was weird how this moment once felt like the one thing he had been waiting for his whole life, but how now it felt like just something else he was going to screw up. He now was over thinking every thing, because was he actually going to throw his feelings at him like a bomb , and expect Dean to just be happy with it? Even more, to feel the same? Sure, Dean had always looked over him, and yeah sometimes he looked at him with those eyes that Cas often chose to ignore first but then thought about so much during the late hours of the night. But that didn't mean anything. It broke his heart to think that but, maybe there was no happily ever after in their story. He had been a fool to think otherwise.

''Yeah... yeah i'm fine. I just... I made dinner?'' Cas said, his voice so unsure it made Dean raise an eyebrow. Knowing Dean, Castiel knew that if he continued to act like that insecure freak, he would start asking questions soon. Get angry when Cas would tell him it was nothing, and then start imagining those horrible scenarios in his head, the expression on his face reminding Cas of the one humans often had when they saw a dead puppy. It wasn't fair. Dean's and his friendship, bond, was all he had left. The one last thing important in his messed up human life. Maybe he deserved to be tortured, or throw in hell, but he didn't deserve this. Dean didn't deserve this.

''Oh,'' Dean answered back, and then a smirk appeared on his face. Not the kind of smirk that made Cas' legs feel like jello, no, something more like he just discovered how to kill 200 demons by only saying one word. He looked around, still a little bit confused, but starting to stick some pieces together. Castiel probably met someone, they had a date, and being the awkward human being he still was, Cas made a big deal out of it. It was so cute that his smirk turned into a proud smile.

''Were you waiting for someone, Castiel?'' Dean said as he ignored the twitch in his stomach at the thought of Cas with someone else.

''No! No, I just... I only made dinner. Please, sit.'' Dean did, because who was he to refuse food, and soon enough there were plates full of it on the -wow, dressed up- table, and Dean was throwing compliments at his friend about how delicious everything was and how he missed meals like this, even if he never really had a lot. 

Cas couldn't take it anymore. He spent all of this time in heaven, and searching the earth, never caring about what he wanted for one second. All he ever did was follow orders, and when he tried this whole free will thing, he was only following orders from Dean and Sam instead of some higher power. He couldn't remember the last time he did something only for himself. Not by guilt, or by reason, no, by choice. Couldn't remember the last time he thought of himself as someone who was happy. Couldn't remember a time when he thought of himself as _someone_. And now he was human, flesh and blood, and nothing was the same anymore, except for Dean. He had always been the one thing constant in his life since he met him, and dammit if he needed to do something for himself for once. And this was probably the stress talking, or the fear, but even if telling Dean maybe wasn't the righteous choice, it's what he needed to do. He didn't know how long he could go on if not.

''Dean.'' His voice said before he could over think the whole thing again. ''I have something to tell you.'' Cas swallowed the lump in his throat for what felt like the nineteenth time tonight as he waited for Dean to look up from his meal.

 

''Yes?'' Dean was quick to answer, his eyes locked on Castiel's expression as if he was trying to understand a foreign language. The look in his eyes was telling more than any story could ever about Dean : please don't tell me bad news, is it about Sammy?, i'm so tired please don't let it be something bad, please Castiel don't tell me something I don't want to hear. And maybe Castiel was going to. He, himself, didn't even know.

''I was waiting for you.''

Silence.

''I, um.'' Cas felt like he was choking on his own words. He needed to say something else, to say it better, Dean needed to hear it clearer. It wasn't enough, he wasn't enough. ''I made this, all of it, for you. The meal and the... everything. Because, I can't really explain because. All I know is that you're more important to me than everything I've ever known, and that I love you.''

Dean was about to brush it off, the words 'wow there Cas, don't forget to buy your tampons' burning at the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. All he could think about was 'oh, shit' when he realized the guy was actually dead serious.

He was speechless. Out of all the things he could say, all of the reactions he could have, none were worthy of this. None were right. So he only stared at his friend, the former angel, lost. He didn't know if this was a dream or a nightmare or an illusion, he just knew this wasn't the kind of things that usually happened to him. Monsters wanted to kill him, crazy people and demons torture him, but never a friend was in love with him. Never was someone in love with him.

Was Castiel in love? Probably not. He hasn't been human for so long, this was all a mistake. A misunderstanding.  Castiel was finally getting in touch with his own feelings and had started to discover how you feel when you care about someone. Next week he was probably going to discover he was attracted to Sammy. It couldn't be real, it was too good to be true, and Dean learned a long time ago that good things usually burn to ashes in the blink of an eye.

It had been awkward long enough for Castiel to get up and take their plates as he walked towards the sink in the kitchen, muttering a ''I knew this wasn't a good idea'' under his breath. Dean heard him and all he could think about was _Cas is hurt._  

''No! No! Don't say that!'' The words flew out of his mouth, talking for the first time since Cas' declaration. ''It was a good idea.'' he continued. He suddenly seemed to realize he never had been good with words, and that he definitely didn't like to have those kind of conversations. But this was Castiel, goddamn, and he needed comfort right now. Dean could deal with what it all meant and the storm who was going on inside his head and stomach later. He could deal with feelings, real feelings, later. For now, Castiel needed to be sure he hadn't completely fucked up their relationship, friendship, whatever. So that was exactly what he was going to do.

''I swear it was. The dinner and throwing Sammy some place and the table and hell, even the lights are doomed out, it's perfect.'' Dean said, now in the kitchen with Castiel, who had his back turned towards him, cleaning the dishes a little bit.

Castiel looked down, not really convinced, but mostly waiting for the ''but dude, i'm sorry, really I am, but I don't feel that way about you.'' It was inevitable now. They were way past the perfect scenario where Dean dropped his fork and jumped into Castiel's arms saying ''I love you too, so much, too much.''

When Castiel didn't answer back to Dean's attempt of making it better, Dean decided he should continue to talk, before he got the wrong idea. He needed to ask something first, because he didn't think he could come back from this if he wasn't sure.

''But Castiel,'' He said, the same way he used to when he prayed to him. ''Are you sure this is what it is? Because, I mean... love is a pretty big and complex thing, and I don't know if you really understand what-'' 

He was cut off by Castiel's angry voice. 

''If I really understand what love is? Of course I don't. But I know it's there, always have been. I know how it feels to wake up craving for your touch, for your warmth, for your anything. I know how it felt to hear you cry in the late hours of the night, but unable to do anything about it. I just know, I don't understand some parts of it, but it's still there and I can't stand it anymore. So yes, i'm doing the selfish act of telling you about it, and believe me when I say I wouldn't do it if I could.'' 

Castiel continued to wash their plates, wondering from where inside of him all of that speech came from. It didn't matter, anyway. It was over now, everything ruined.  

This changed everything. Dean could feel his heartbeat going faster,faster,faster, and he didn't know how to calm himself. The thought hadn't completely settled in his brain, not yet, but just to know that maybe, yes, maybe, Castiel had feelings for him? Castiel, the fallen angel of the absent lord, his Castiel. The one who prepared a romantic dinner for him. The one who deserved anything but the love of a depressed and broken man. It hit him like a good punch in the jaw, the realization making him hold his breath. Wanting Castiel had been one of the many feelings he had always pushed deep inside himself, never wanting to hurt him the way he hurts everybody that was unlucky enough to be loved by him.  There was no justice, no fairness in this messed up world, and maybe that was why Dean decided that Cas would be better off if they never were happy together. Maybe that was why Castiel dropped a glass on the floor as Dean said in a strangled voice, 

''I can't,'' tears rushing down his face. 

Maybe that was why he walked away towards his bedroom, biting his hand in a terrible attempt to cover the self destroying sobs that menaced to come out of him. Because nothing was fair, and he would never be right. 

Dean didn't make it to his bedroom, only let himself fall on the ground in his first moment of true weakness. He didn't hear Castiel's soft footstep as he watched Dean break one more time. He didn't know Cas heard him when he repeated, ''I love you. I love you. I love you'', words meant for Castiel to himself under his breath.

No, Dean only felt something when Cas hugged him from behind, letting the words who didn't need to be said fall over his shoulder with a gentle kiss.   

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's this other alternative ending where Dean stays in the kitchen and says ''I just would have wanted to know this was a date in the first place, you know.'' And then it's like all cheesy and cute but yeah. 
> 
> They end up together here too so, whatever.


End file.
